As I mentioned in my post on my personal goals for 2018, I am participating in a 40 Day Sugar Fast hosted by Wendy Speake. When I started this fast, I really did just want to get free of my sugar addiction. I know that sugar is not good for me, in more than just a physical sense. I can tell that it affects my mind and emotions as well. I have gone without sweeteners before when doing Whole30, but whenever the diet period is over, I always creep back into my old habits. This year I decided I had finally had enough of feeling enslaved to my cravings for cookies or candy, and this fast seemed to be the perfect opportunity to do just that.
What I did not realize was that through Wendy and the other fasting group leaders, the Lord was going to ask for more than just my sugar during these 40 days. Right from the start, I realized that I had two choices. I could go along day by day using will power to turn down sweet foods and hope that at the end of the 40 days I’d have replaced my sweet tooth with a taste for more healthy options. Or, I could actually treat this fast as a spiritual experience and seek the Lord at those times when I usually would have gone to the cupboard for a sugary snack, which was what Wendy suggested.
At first, I admit, I was reluctant to try the second option. Honestly, I was afraid of what God might have to say to me in those quiet moments. I was afraid of being uncomfortable, of feeling hungry. I did not want to admit, even to myself, that I had been looking to food for comfort and happiness instead of going to God for those things. Yikes. Finally, however, I pushed past all those fears and decided to let God speak to my heart during this time.
The first few days after that decision, everything still seemed very much the same. But yesterday, I felt a heavy weight on my heart. I knew that the Lord was asking me to give Him than my sugar addiction, and I didn’t want to hear that. All day long I was irritable and moody. When my husband got home from work, I told him how I was feeling, and he told me to take some time to myself after dinner. I went to my room and sat there with my Bible and journal and started the hard work of asking God what it was He wanted me to let go of besides my comfort foods.
Immediately, an image came to my mind of a toddler holding onto a sharp and dangerous knife. She thought it was pretty and looked like a fun toy, so she grabbed it and held on with all her might. But then her father came and asked her to let it go. He knew it was going to hurt her if she didn’t. He gently but firmly took her wrist in his hand, and the toddler started kicking and screaming because she didn’t want him to take her shiny toy. Her father told her he had something much better for her if she would only give him the knife. But she didn’t want to. She didn’t see anything in his other hand. She wasn’t sure if she could trust him.
That toddler was me.
I think the Lord gave me that image as an answer to a prayer I prayed earlier on in the fast, a prayer for a vision of what He wanted to do in my heart and life. I know that there are some idols I have been holding onto, some things that I have been thinking were good for me, that my Heavenly Father wants me to let go of. He wants to give me something better. I just have to trust Him, even though I don’t see how He is going to do it.
I know this is just the beginning of the work that God has started in my heart. I hope to write more as the fast progresses. I am looking forward to seeing how my faith increases and how He breaks through some strongholds in my life. I have some big prayers. But I have an even bigger God!
How about you? Have you ever had a time when God asked you to let go of something so He could give you something better? I’d love to hear your story in the comments!