Growth: Slow and Steady Progress

Here we are at the bright, shiny (and very cold!) beginning of the new year–2018. I cannot begin to describe the ups and downs that our family experienced in 2017, but I can say with certainty that we are happy we came through it all. We are stronger, closer, and I pray, more faithful now than we were when the year began. It was a year of hardship and testing, of waiting, of uncertainty, and of more waiting. We received many blessings and many of our prayers were answered in amazing ways. Other prayers still wait for answers, but that gives us something to look forward to in the year to come, does it not?!

I have been away from the blog for a couple of weeks, not intentionally, but because I have been spending a lot of my free time thinking and planning and writing in my journal. My thoughts have needed time to sit and soak before I could put them into words. Even now as I sit down to write this post, I am hesitant to put my thoughts into print because I am still in the process of sorting things out in my mind. Still, I wanted to begin writing some things here, partly for accountability, partly just so you all would know I am still alive over here!

If you happen to have come to Tuning Hearts from my old blog, then you may remember that a couple of years ago I jumped on the “Word of the Year” bandwagon. I don’t actually remember if I chose a word for 2017, though. And if I did, it probably should have just been “Survive” because that pretty well sums up what I felt like I did all year! But this year is going to be different. This year we are going to thrive!

Recently, through various social media channels, I found out about Lara Casey’s Goal Setting blog series. Even though I had already started planning and sketching out some goals for 2018, I decided to try her steps as outlined in the series. Can I just tell you how glad I am that I did this? Lara’s posts have inspired and challenged me to think even more deeply about the changes I hope to see in my life and in the life of our family in the future. And the best part of all her steps (for me, at least) has been the forward-thinking nature of goal setting. She challenges her readers not just to think about what they want to accomplish in 2018, but who they want to be when they are 80 years old. When you frame your plans and goals in light of who you want to be when you come to the end of your life, it really changes your perspective! Now instead of thinking just about how my goals and desires can help me “do better” in certain areas of my life,  I am thinking about what I should pursue to become the person that God wants me to be and how that will affect my family, friends, church and community as well!

The hopes that I have for 2018, the changes I want to make, all point to this one theme: growing what I have already been given. The Lord has been good to me. He has set me on a path, and I am moving forward. He has given me a strong foundation. Now I need to keep on track and grow in the things that He has set before me to do. I need personal growth, relational growth, growth in my work and in my habits and in my recreation. I never want to stop learning and growing and becoming more of who God wants me to be. I do not want to stagnate.

I know there is hard work ahead.  A lot of my goals are going to require a good deal of self-control and discipline to accomplish. But I also know that it will be well worth it if I keep moving steadily forward. I am not expecting or chasing after perfection here. I am just looking for progress. I am aiming for small improvements over the course of each day, each week and each month, until at the end of year I can look back and see a track record of steady growth.

In another post, I will talk more in depth about some or all of my goals. At this point, I am still fleshing some of them out, so I am not ready to write about them yet. So be looking for that post later this week! Until then, I would love to hear if you have a word or phrase that you are going to focus on in 2018. What do you want to see God do in your life this year? Tell me about it in the comments below! Let’s cheer each other on and keep each other accountable to keep moving forward and doing the next right thing!

Heart Work: Letting God Perform Spiritual Surgery

Has God ever invited you to undergo spiritual surgery? Maybe you were listening to a sermon on an average Sunday morning, when a certain word or phrase the pastor spoke struck you. Then later on you read something in a book or on a blog that addressed the same idea and kept you thinking about it the rest of the day. A few days later, you were driving around listening to a favorite podcast, when the guest mentioned dealing with the same thing that you have been mulling over all week. I am sure I am not the only one who has experiences like this, when it becomes abundantly clear that the Lord is speaking to you about a specific issue or area of your life. The question is, what do we do when we feel the Lord prompting us to listen?

I have had some recent experience like this, and as tempting as it is to just say, “Oh, yes, Lord, I know I need to think about that, but I’m pretty busy right now,” I know that cannot be my response. God has been speaking to me about some deeply significant heart issues that need healing and transformation. If I want true change, I am going to have to do the work alongside Him. I need to deal with the sin, the pain, and the ugliness so that I can experience the sanctification, the healing, and the joy on the other side.

The thing is, it is hard to open up, even to my loving God, and let Him shine the light on my darkest parts. It would be easier to just put a spiritual bandaid on it and pretend I’m doing fine. Listen to some upbeat worship music, commit to more Bible memory or more service at church, any busy work to keep from dealing with what is really wrong. But then the cancer of my sin and Satan’s lies are just going to keep growing and taking deeper root. No, I can’t let that happen. Not this time. The Lord has been speaking to me, and I am going to take the time to listen, to seek His will. It will hurt, I know, but I am willing to let Him do some serious spiritual surgery. I need His Truth to cut through those lies that have taken up residence in my mind and heart. I need the water of the Word to wash my heart and refresh my weary soul. I am ready for Him to do some deep heart work so I can experience deep healing. How about you?

Exhausting Expectations and the Gospel of Grace

Last week I hit a wall emotionally, mentally and physically. My husband was out of town for 4 days on business, and even though this is nothing new for our family, it was a long 4 days. I took the kids to a new homeschool group outing, which was a good experience, but very draining. And we were trying really hard to finish up the school week on schedule so that we could start our holiday-themed fun school books and projects this week. I had not had any good quality adult conversation in a while, and the time zone difference between my husband’s location in California and ours in Tennessee made daily calls with him challenging. Nothing traumatic happened all week, and I even managed not to completely lose my cool with the kids during that time. But by the weekend, I was completely worn out. I felt depleted and depressed.

My husband knew I was struggling. He and I had a long conversation, and I cried a lot. It took me a long time to talk through all the things I was upset about, all the hard things that were dragging me down, but at the end, it all boiled down to this: I had been setting my expectations for myself too high again, and I was exhausted from trying and failing to measure up. You see, as a perfectionist, I have unreasonably high standards for myself and my performance. And when I do not meet my own standards, I often beat myself up for being such a big, fat failure. I walk around in defeat because I know I can never be good enough. But the ridiculous part is that no-one else has these outrageous expectations for me. My kids don’t. My husband doesn’t. My friends don’t. And most importantly, God doesn’t.

That is the hardest one to wrap my mind around. God does not expect perfection from me. He does not demand that I perform to a certain set of unattainable standards. He knows I am human. He expects me to make mistakes, to fail the test, to sin. And yet He still loves me. How can it be that this Holy God who is himself infinitely good and perfect still love me when I fall so far short of perfection time and time again? Because of GRACE. Because of Christ’s work on the cross. Because He has taken my sin as far as the east is from the west and left it there to be seen no more. When God the Father looks at me, He does not see my sin and my failure. All He sees is Christ in me, a new creation, beautiful and blameless.

This is so hard for me to get through my head and sink into my heart. But it is the Gospel. It is the Truth. And it is what I need to hear and read and speak and believe day in and day out. I need to eat, drink, sleep and breathe the grace of God. Because when I don’t, I live in a place of defeat, irritability and depression. I am open to the attacks of the enemy. And I am not a very pleasant person to be around. When I am living in the light of grace, on the other hand, I can have peace and joy, knowing that my value as a person does not depend on my performance. I can go through each day without guilt about unfinished tasks, admitting my faults without beating myself up. I can repent and ask God for the strength and help to do better tomorrow, knowing that He does not love me any less when I fall. He just picks me back up and dusts me off, hugs me and sets me back on the path, holding my hand as I go. I have a long road to travel to learn to give myself grace in my imperfection. Thank the Lord that He will be with me all the way!

What Do I Need? #fiveminutefriday

Thinking about “needs” today, I was struck by how many things I think I need on a daily, or at least a regular basis:

I need quiet.
I need personal space.
I need my morning tea.
I need to write.
I need to read.
I need to create.
I need to connect with my husband.
I need to connect with my kids.
I need time outside in nature.
I need water.
I need wholesome food.
I need to feel understood.
I need prayer.
I need a plan.
I need a to-do list.
I need sleep.
I need structure.
I need flexibility.
I need peace.
I need a clean house.
I need the internet.

Most of all, though, I need the grace of God to get me through the day.

Some of my needs are healthy things. Others may be less than healthy. Some are things that are easy to get on a daily basis. Others are more challenging for me to get right now. Some of my needs are filled by means of self-discipline. Others are filled as a simple matter of habit. And still others are actually out of my control. All my needs, in the end, are ultimately fulfilled by God’s provision, either directly or indirectly. And to Him I offer thanks and praise at the end of the day for giving me what I truly needed.

And my God will supply all your need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19 (NASB)

This post is part of Five Minute Fridays. To read my other FMF posts, click the tag #fiveminutefriday at the bottom of the page. 

Like A Tree #Write31Days Day 17

Have you ever stopped to think about the growth of a tree? Through bitter cold, blistering heat, blustery wind, beating rain, and blazing sun. Through good years of plenteous rains and lean years of drought. From tiny and tender seedling, to soft and supple sapling, to young and vigorous greenwood, to old and sturdy hardwood. A tree withstands so much. Though its bark and wood may show scars from wounds or disease, with its roots running deep and branches ever reaching toward the sun, a strong tree can heal and thrive. Its branches spread. Its leaves give shade. It brings forth flowers for beauty. It bears fruit, nut and seed to give food to the living creatures in its shade. Its strong limbs offer shelter to nesting birds and squirrels tending their young.

How apt is the comparison in Psalm 1 of a righteous man with a healthy, well-watered tree! I, too, want to grow like a strong, fruitful tree—withstanding every trial, always reaching deep for the water of the Word, ever lifting my gaze to reach toward the Son, and tirelessly spreading my arms wide to bless all those within my reach.

This post is part of the annual 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Challenge, part of the Write 31 Days challenge with prompts from Five Minute Fridays. Find all my other challenge posts under the tag #Write31Days